A-Infos (en) A Global Pie Roundup: a collection of recent pie news from outside of Amerika

[agit-prop <agit-prop@energy-net.org>]

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      A - I N F O S  N E W S  S E R V I C E
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As the seconds tick toward the millenium and capital seeks to strengthen
its hegemony, more pies are flying as a response to this madness. This post
is a collection of recent pie news from outside of Amerika (as Franz Kafka
would spell our country), and a domestic BBB report will follow shortly.

We are truly experiencing a global pastry uprising. But as Dr. Martin
Luther King once said, "If a man [sic] hasn't found something he will pie
for, he isn't fit to live."

A rejoinder to militant peaceniks who see violence in these lovely pies:
No Pastry, No Peace!

Let slip the pies of war,
Agent Apple for the BBB
----------------------------------------------------

                     CONTENTS

1) Dutch pie-ers sentenced to four weeks in jail

2) Belgian Minister Miet Smet Pied (Twice), Spanish
politician given just desserts as well

3) Attorney General of British Columbia creamed

4) Les Entartistes solidarity action for the "CP3"

5) Canadian student union exec given just desserts

6) Attempted pie action against Lord Sainsbury

7) Internet pastry wars

8) A set of pastry haikus

9) Pie websites

----------------------------------------------------

Two Dutch pie-ers who pied Thielen, a politician in Nijmegen
(the man was promoting a desastrous remodeling of the inner city of
Nijmegen) have been sentenced to four weeks in jail, of which
two on probation.

The action was claimed by the "Biotic Baking Brigade--Nijmegen".

The two activists had been arrested on the act after
delivering two pies in Thielens face, but were released after
two days. Judge Verkade decided on march 12 that the piers had
"disrupted a public event" and had "insulted" the politician.

The BBB-Nijmege, along with fellow Dutch militants TAART, have performed
three other recent pieings:
. The mayor of Noordwijk
. The rightwing frontman Bolkesteijn
. Secretary of the Economie Zalm at the introduction of the Euro

Contact TAART via <eurodusnie@stad.dsl.nl>
----------------------------------------------------

In Belgium the "Collectif Autonome de Chomeurs" (CACH)  pied
the Belgian Minister of Labour on  March 8 (womens day).
She had just handed out the Marie Claire-award for the
"business-woman of the year" and got hit by two pies (with
lots of whipped cream). The winner of the award was Hedwige
Nuyens, director of the huge Dutch bank ANB-AMRO.

The action was done by fifty persons who shouted slogans
against the way the minister treats unemployed people (she
thinks most unemployed are frauds and will start working if
they receive even less benefit-money).

A message from Spain comes a bit late, but no reason not to
mention it:

Somewhere in Spain Carles Campuzano, member of the Spanish
congres for the Catalan party CiU (Convergencie i Unita) got
pied twice in January. It was done by a collective to support
draftresisters. The pieing had to be done because Campuzano
had refused to vote for a law decriminalizing draft-resisting.

(This was a message from Liberal Animation Prods.)
-------------------------------------------------------------

At approximately 3:30pm today, March 4, BC Attorney General Ujjal
Dosanjh was pied after speaking to a criminology audience at Simon
Fraser University in Burnaby, BC.

After claiming that BC is the "most progressive province", he
sidessteped questions pertaining to Aboriginal rights, and his pivotal
role in the Gustafsen Lake assault.  He denied ownership of two direct
quotes:

1. "All the violence that has emanated so far, has emanated from the
renegades." (Speaking about Gustafsen Lake on Voice of the Province T.V.
show, 13/08/95)
2. "This is not really a nation.  All I care is what the limitations,
restrictions, restraints upon their rights are... The Nisga'a Nation
would have attributes in this treatey, no more no less.  This is all
they get, this is all the rights they have [smiling].  I don't care if
they call themselves Tribal Council or Nation." (Nisga'a Treaty debate,
19/01/99)

After the talk, a press scrum formed at the front of the lecture
theatre.  A concerned student approached the Attorney General and hit
him full in the face with a 9" lemon meringue pie.  It made a satisfying
"phoomp" sound, after arching gracefully through the air.  A supporter
yelled "That's for Gustafsen Lake" as several others distributed flyers,
the text of which is reprinted below:

Why pie Ujjal?

As Attorney General (AG) of BC Ujjal Dosanjh oversaw the 1995 siege of
the Ts'peten Sundancers at Gustafsen Lake.
   Although the RCMP & AG insisted they were dealing with a criminal
situation, the siege was actually planned four months in advance. The
RCMP wanted to end the "yearly headache [of dispute of an American
cattle rancher's alleged ownership of the land] once and for all" (Staff
Sgt. Martin Sarich).
   The RCMP's own investigation revealed that the rancher, Lyle James,
actually only had grazing rights to the land in question. The land has
never been sold or ceded by treaty.
   Two Native RCMP officers, Woods & Findley, resigned in the wake of
RCMP mishandling of the affair.
   On August 27, 1995, the RCMP staged a false ambush. Officers 'Rocky'
& Molendyk claimed they were shot in the back while inside their
vehicle, saved only by their flak jackets. However, liaison officers
Montague & Ward later admitted (on tape!): "This is not the first time
we've had to take flak jackets to the firing range."  The bullets shot
through the car matched the calibre of the RCMP's bullets (.9mm), not
the Defenders.
   This incident was used as justification to persuade a reluctant
military to loan the use of several Bison Armoured Personnel Carriers
and support staff.
   While the military refused to also allow the use of .50 calibre guns,
the RCMP arranged to purchase some from an independent American arms
dealer, with help from the FBI.
   On September 11, 1995, the RCMP used plastic explosive as a landmine
to blow up a truck being driven by two defenders and carrying a dog. The
defenders miraculously escaped, unarmed, under a hail of 20 000 bullets.
The dog was shot 7 times.
To all this & more, Dosanjh says: "There's absolutely no need for any
other inquiry... There is no other side to this story, there is only one
side to this story." (The Province, 08/24/95). Silly Ujjal! Even little
kids know there's at least two sides to EVERY story.  RCMP lies &
resignations, bombings, imported guns, the military & FBI... HELL YES
there should be a comprehensive public inquiry into all this, including
Ujjal's role!

So today we throw pie in your eye, Ujjal. The pie was carefully
selected: lemon meringe, sticky like the mess you find yourself in; old
& stale, just like the lies you've spread & excuses you've used to keep
the truth about what went down at Gustafsen Lake a secret from the
people of British Columbia & Canada.  We're gonna make it stick.

Contact with the pie brigade can be made by email, c/o
aravancouver@hotmail.com
-----------------------------------------------------------

Our comrades in the l'Internationale des Anarchos-Patissiers (the notorious
International Pie-Throwing Anarchists' movement), Les Entartistes of
Montreal, recently performed a solidarity action at the American consulate.
Check out their brilliant web site at:
http://www.dsuper.net/~aboyeur/tarte.html
Below is an account from an operative named Pope-Tart to the BBB:

"Gloup gloup again, dear friends!

	Well, well, well... First of all, we can say that our absurd
manifestation at the american consulate this morning did get some
attention, and gave us loads of fun as well... We protested against the
emprisonment of the "Cherry Pie 3" there, and medias came to capture the
moment. The guards locked the door over there at the consulate, being so
scared of us (did I say we were all disguised as clowns?), and wouldn't let
us enter. Some american citizens over there showed some concern, we meet
with a marine man who said he knew the Mayor Brown personnally and would
tell him about his Montreal encounter of pie-throwers protesters, and also
that he supported the liberation of the "Cherry Pie 3" as well.
	Then, we asked to meet the consul, because we had a pie for her and
a letter of complaint as well (a copy of the letter sended to Amnesty
International). The guards of the consulate were laughing but would not let
us in. We said we would declare pie-war on all americans if they don't
release the three San Francisco entarteur's, and were getting ready to
throw the pie at the big US symbol over the door, when our own national
police (the RCMP) showed up. They were laughing as well, and one of the big
RCMP guy decided he would deliver the pie and the letter for us, because we
couldn't get inside.
	He posed for the media with the pie, then really went in to deliver
it to the consulate, as well as the letter of protest for the liberation of
the BBB trio. It probably ain't much in the way of liberating our friends,
but it is a good beginning for this campaign, crusade for a good laugh
instead of a bomb and a happiness pie-protest around the world instead of
militias. We really have to act this one as court jester's, but in here,
it's starting really well. We won't let go of this, you can be sure that at
the very least, Mayor Brown is going to get laugh at internationally, a few
more american power figure will get it than the usual, and in the very
best, they will release our friends, but we just won't quit, that's for
sure!"

"It`s a great honor for anyone to get pied."
--Jean Chretien, Prime Minister of Canada
-----------------------------------------------------------

Clearly, Canada has become a hot bed of what Belgium Pieman Noel Godin
calls "cream psychosis,"  as the pie wars have fired up to a hot point in
the Great White North. From the plains of Manitoba, a new spectre has
emerged to haunt the nation: balaclava-clad, pie-slinging Canadian womyn!
What follows is a press release and manifesto of the Balaklava Bakers (BB).

CASA EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR EATS HUMBLE PIE

At approximately 7:00 p.m. at a Wednesday, January 27 council meeting of
the University of Manitoba Students' Union, Hoops Harrison, Executive
Director of the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations, Canada's
second-largest national student organization, was struck in the face with
three cream pies hurled by three assailants in balaclavas and skirts who
ran into the meeting room and subsequently escaped via a side door.

The indentities of the pie-throwers is currently unknown.

Dumbstruck councillors looked around in confusion at the unexpected
incident. One councillor remarked, "What the hell was that?"

After retiring to a washroom to clean himself up, Harrison told the
assembled council, "I don't really mind; a lot of cool people have gotten
pied."

Notable pie-ing victims of the past few months include Microsoft CEO Bill
Gates, actor Sylvestor Stallone and San Francisco mayor Willie Brown. One
recent attempt to pie Millenium Scholarship Fund chair Jean Monty failed
due to what the assailants described as "really good security."

******The Balaklava Bakers' 'WOMYNIFESTO' *****

It is inevitable that those who live in a state of overstuffed depravity
and who demonstrate utter disdain for justice and kindness will have to
answer to the pie!
	Where there is pompous misrepresentation by arrogant authority,
there will be pie. Where there is a glut of self-interest at the expense of
justice, there will be pie. Where there is a constant surge of dullness
pouring from a pretentious fuckwit, there will be pie. Where there is abuse
of power, where there is abuse of others, there will be pie.
	The pie will course down and fall from their faces onto their
sweatshop-made shirts as does the rancid scum of their capitalist excess
onto the fabric of our lives. It will hide itself in every cavity and in
every breach. The pie will locate and expose weakness and ooze itself into
every fissure in the wall of oppression until it is forced to crack and
crumble.
	But the pie is not only an agent of ridicule and destruction - it
is also an instrument of compassion and vitality. Where there is hunger,
there will be pie. Where there is community-building, there will be pie.
Where there is need of strength for insurrection, there will be pie. And
the pie will be sweet and tasty. It will be vegan and nutritious. It will
have a light and flaky crust.
	Those who live in a state of active goodwill in solidarity with the
Balaklava Bakers have no pastry to fear. Those who see
themselves in the BB's described target criteria (and those too full of
temerity to do so) must beware. They will have to answer to the pie. It is
inevitable!
------------------------------------------------

Date sent:      Sun, 7 Mar 1999 11:10:04 -0800 (PST)
From:           Pallas Anonymous Remailer
Subject:        Attempted Pie Action against Lord Sainsbury

It has come to our attention that on Friday 5th February the group Welsh
Action Against Genetics (WAAG) attempted to pie the UK governments
science minister Lord David Sainsbury while he was on a tour of Swansea
University.

One WAAG activist failed in their mission to deliver a organic cream pie
into the face of Lord Sainsbury though they did get very close.
Nevertheless the government minister was forced to scuttle around the
university and hide sheepishly in doorways as other activists attempted
follow up actions. The minister was last seen been bundled into a car
and being sped away from his group of "admirers".

David Sainsbury is the owner of a company which has owns genetic patents
and despite this being in a blind trust he is still profiting from
genetically modified food. It is claimed by the government that he does
not attend any meetings were there is a conflict of interest, in
particular on genetic issues. This is a very odd position for a science
minister to be in and does not preclude him recieving and dealing with
sensitive reports on the issues.

WAAG believes that there should be an immediate moratorium on
genetically modified foods. The business interests behind these
developments do not care for human health or the environment. This
action should be seen as part of the wider campaign against genetic
engineering.
------------------------------------------------

The global pastry uprising has spread to the internet. Now, anyone can
throw a virtual pie from the safety and convenience of their own home:
http://www.3rdm.net/pie-face/
------------------------------------------------

A delicious set of haikus from  dennis fritzinger of the Warrior Poets Society:

      		       outside in the streets
                                     everything is calm: the pie
                                         cooling on the sill

                                         it's in the oven!
                                     cherries, sugar bubbling--
                                          baking a nation

                                     washington chopped down
                                    the cherry tree--couldn't stop
                                        revolution, though

                                        sunlight sprinkling
                                   the cherry with small blossoms--
                                       soon to be sweet fruit

                                        everybody wants--
                                 redwoods, yellowstone, and bears--
                                        their piece of the pie

                                      let's tear down the dams!
                                    then let's plant the rubble with
                                       year-old cherry trees

------------------------------------------------

Pie websites:

Belgian pieman Noel Godin, Links to Bill Gates Pie Incident
http://www.cinenet.net/users/jaybab/noel.html

TAART: Holland Pie group
http://members.tripod.com/taart

History of American Pie-slinging
http://www.pieman.org
------------------------------------------------

.......and a pie leapt up
and a pie leapt up
Once!
Twice!
and Again!
(Thank you, Rudyard Kipling)

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