A-Infos (en) ANARCHISTS INVADE QUEBEC CITY!

[nawrocki@istar.ca (norman nawrocki)]

 ________________________________________________
      A - I N F O S  N E W S  S E R V I C E
            http://www.ainfos.ca/
 ________________________________________________

'FIRST WE TOOK QUEBEC CITY, THEN DRUMMONDVILLE'
THE TRUE STORY BEHIND THE ANARCHIST INVASION OF QUEBEC CITY

    It's taken us years of hard work, but finally, We, the Anarchists of
the World, members of the 10 million strong GLORIOUS, INTERNATIONAL BLACK
WEDGE, will see, ANARCHY IN QUEBEC CITY, thanks in no small part to the
cooperation of the State, the CSIS, the RCMP and of course, the dedicated
journalists at The Montreal Gazette and The Globe and Mail. who unknowingly
helped us succeed in our ingenious, 5 stage SECRET MASTER PLAN FOR TOTAL
WORLD SOCIAL REVOLUTION!

THE FACTS:

1 * It's official. We convinced the authorities a long time ago, to hold
the Summit of the Americas in Quebec City - the city of 500,000 closet
anarchists and to call this Summit: the FTAA - which really means
'FANTASTIC TIMES FOR ANARCHIST ACTIVISTS.'

2 * We arranged for a minor earthquake in Seattle, power black outs in
California, and a few natural disasters, around the world, to indicate that
we are not fooling around. We are serious. We can cause major disruptions
and bad cable TV reception.

3 * We infiltrated global Secret Police Forces to put the fear of ANARCHY
in them, to convince them that the threat of Anarchism is very real. Quote:
"The RCMP are certainly worried. The presence of anarchists in Qu=E9bec is
one of the top reasons for the 6,000 police officers, the arsenal of
plastic bullets and the 3.8 metre-high security fence, nicknamed The Wall."
(The Montreal Gazette, Friday April 13th, 2001)
  Since this report, we have learned that an additional 1,200 Canadian
soldiers and innumerable American military personnel will also be present
to counter our presence. We arranged that, too.

4 * We recruited the Quebec premier, BERNARD LANDRY as one of our top
secret agents and turned his party, the annoying BLOC QUEBECOIS into a
front for THE ANARCHIST BLAC BLOC.

5 * We convinced them to build the formidable Wall of Shame. This wall will
now help us contain, secure,  imprison as you will, all the despised
members of this hemisphere's ruling class to help us execute our plan:
to turn Qu=E9bec City into a truly INDEPENDENT, ANARCHIST COMMUNIST PARADISE
- the first in the world - a place with no more bosses, no more borders, no
more rulers; a self-managed, totally LIBERATED ZONE, where we will
SOCIALIZE everything, feed and house everyone and use it as a staging
ground to help us further our dream:  GLOBAL SOCIAL REVOLUTION!

HOW WILL WE DO THIS:

It's simple. While most of our people - local, Qu=E9bec City resident
ANARCHIST BLACK BLOC card carrying members are securing the enormous, FREE
ZONE outside the official walled off SECURITY PERIMETER, the rest of us
will focus our forces to immobilize and apprehend the trapped members of
the despised Ruling Class and their thousands of lackeys and armed body
guards.
   We know the Authorities are terrified and are trying to play down the
extent of our operation and our invasion force.
   Contrary to a recent Globe and Mail report that:
'Some members of the anti-capitalist convergence, the CLAC, may be bringing
explosives to Quebec City'    the truth is:

1. Approximately 3 million members of CLAC have already arrived outside
Qu=E9bec City, each heavily armed with stink bombs, exploding Cuban cigars &
Barbara Streisand albums. They are camped out in camouflaged RVs in the
suburbs;

2.  Among them, 30,000  JAPANESE NINJA ANARCHIST WARRIORS are preparing to
breach the security fence at dawn. They will clear landing pads for several
hundred ANARCHIST BLACK CROSS HELICOPTERS carrying 14,000 BELGIAN ANARCHIST
pie throwing specialists. Look out Mr Prime Minister!

3. This manoeuvre will provide cover for the BRAZILIAN ANARCHIST AIR FORCE
CROP DUSTING JETS, primed to drop 5 tons of ECSTACY - disguised as snow -
over the target area;

4. While the ECSTACY falls, 10 thousand three-headed ANARCHIST ALIENS FROM
MARS -  disguised as visiting space donut entrepreneurs -  will sneak past
security checkpoints and proceed to vaporize all SUMMIT MEETING PLACES,
including all local MacDonald's, Burger King and Harvey's outlets;


5. At this exact moment, 25,000 SCREAMING AMERICAN ANARCHIST KINDERGARTEN
KIDS will spontaneously pop out of Qu=E9bec City manholes armed with VICIOUS
PICKACHOO WARRIORS & swarm any undrugged,  SUMMIT SECURITY FORCES & drag
them back into the sewers;

6. Already,  the entire OFFICIAL SUMMIT TRANSLATION CORPS has been
infiltrated by ITALIAN ANARCHIST SURREALIST TRANSLATORS preparing to INSULT
every SUMMIT DELEGATE;

7. If any delegates survive this, they won't survive the food, since the
OFFICIAL CATERING STAFF has been infiltrated by ANARCHIST FOOD NOT BOMBS
CHEFS who plan to lace every dish with laxatives & sprinkle itching powder
on ALL THE TOILET PAPER;

8. All the moaning and groaning members of the despised Ruling Class will
then be hog tied together with a huge ANARCHIST BLACK BUNGEE CORD and
suspended & bounced from the peak of the Chateau Frontenac and forced to
listen to the songs of long time, bona-fide, anarchist cheerleader mom,
Celine Dion;

9. At some point, a giant INFLATED TROJAN CONDOM, will appear over the City
and parachute a 300,000 strong, trained ANTI-TERRORIST ANARCHIST PEACE
KEEPING FORCE to secure the ground and prevent any dangerous & violent BLUE
BLOCK CIA, FBI AND RCMP agents from interfering with the FESTIVE, ANARCHIST
CARNIVAL AGAINST CAPITALISM.

10. Further support will be provided by the RUSSIAN ANARCHIST BLACK
SUBMARINE FLEET patrolling the St Lawrence River with ANARCHIST GOOD HUMOUR
LAUGHING GAS MISSILES.

11. If the ANARCHISTS  encounter any remaining resistance, ANARCHIST
STARFLEET COMMAND will be positioned over Quebec with a giant ANTI VIAGRA
STUN RAY.

   A Hollywood version of 'The Anarchist Take Over of Qu=E9bec City' starring
Ben Afflek and Julia Roberts as two, love-struck members of the Black Bloc,
is already being filmed on the spot. The story will also appear as a new
Harry Potter novel. Anarcho Christians have promised to re-write it into
their newest version of the Bible. And finally, a long awaited video game
of the impending, epic, Anarchist victory will be out shortly. *

- Norman Nawrocki,
official anarchist story teller,
Montr=E9al, April 18, 2001


                       ********
               The A-Infos News Service
      News about and of interest to anarchists
                       ********
               COMMANDS: lists@ainfos.ca
               REPLIES: a-infos-d@ainfos.ca
               HELP: a-infos-org@ainfos.ca
               WWW: http://www.ainfos.ca
               INFO: http://www.ainfos.ca/org

 To receive a-infos in one language only mail lists@ainfos.ca the message
                unsubscribe a-infos
                subscribe a-infos-X
 where X = en, ca, de, fr, etc. (i.e. the language code)